I am the son of a retired police officer. So it may come as no surprise that I was raised to respect authority. And that generally I do not make a habit of associating with known felons.
But something crazy is going on with me. I can't help myself! I desperately want to consort with criminals. With four criminals in particular.
Right now I find myself bereft because on Friday morning I will be on a plane headed to Florida to visit my parents instead of sitting in a court room supporting--well, let's just say it-- four known felons. I know they did it. I saw them commit their crimes with my very own eyes!
The four felons in question are Alan Bounville, Jake Goodman, Justin Elzie and Gabriel Yuri Bollag. Together they are known as the Queer Rising 4. Perhaps you've heard of them? I think they're dreamy.
BUT THEY'RE CRIMINALS!
I want to be their moll. (there I said it.)
I'm remembering a scene from my childhood. I was watching Donahue. Phil had as his guests woman who loved prisoners. They did anything they could for these men. Sacrificed everything for them. And got nothing in return.
Even at age six, I knew these ladies had a problem.
But now I find myself thinking: "Maybe I should cancel my nonrefundable plane ticket and stay in town to be with my boys, Alan, Jake, Justin and Gabriel. Have I mentioned that they're dreamy?
"Dad," I'll say, when I call the former police officer, "Here's the thing. I'm not coming because there are these guys. True they're lawbreakers, I can't deny that. But they are so dreamy. I never knew how hot activists could be. I got it bad, dad."
Just like the woman on Donahue, I will write my boys long letters to keep their spirits up. I will describe the details of my far less exciting days, while I dream about being reunited with QR4.
I think I'm becoming one of those crazy Donahue women (except I'm still a man, of course). Oh, and I guess another difference is I think the men that they loved were serial killers. Where as the men that I love are fighting for equality and the end of segregated marriage laws.
But aside from those minor details, I'm just like those women.
Alan, Jake, Justin and Gabriel--they're like a boy band. Incidentally, boy bands are often made up of known felons. Oh my God!!! I can't wait for their first single. You just know that HRC and Courage Campaign and Freedom to Marry are going to be fighting to have QR4 get chained up for them and perform.
Oh my sweet perpetrators. I am the Bonnie to your Clyde (x4)
How can I not be there for you on Friday? What if I, just this once, sent many others in my place?
What if on Friday, Feb 19th at 9:30AM hundreds of my friends arrived at 100 Centre Street Part A 4th floor NY NY 10013
Of course these hundreds of friends are not a substitute for me your loyal, QR4 fan.
Fan?
No. Fan seems too insignificant a word to describe the way I feel about you activists. Soul mates! That's better. True there is the small detail that we don't know each other. But when I saw you in your chains. Well.... enough about me.
A brief reminder to my hundreds of friends who will be in attendance at 9:30 Friday morning. The boys? The boys are mine. Don't think because I'm not there that Alan, Jake, Justin or Gabriel are going to settle for you.
You can be a fan. But you aren't a soul mate.
So step back.
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