I'm Not Getting Married

I joined the NMB and I'm not getting married!

I felt pretty excited when I took the pledge. Really excited actually.

Then I realized it wasn't exactly that I was boycotting marriage. It was more like marriage was boycotting me. I'm gay so it's not a huge hardship for me to say I won't get married until everyone can.

My partner and I have been together over twelve years and if federal laws allowed we would be married. That straight people are joining the NMB and choosing not to marry because they want to stand in solidarity with me is overwhelmingly heartening. Because it is hard not to be married when you want to be.

It means--even for straight couples living together unwed--that you are thought of as less than by society. Okay maybe not if you are Brad and Angelina or Susan Sarrandon and Tim Robbins. But for the rest of us: Living together is not the same as married.

If you are not married you can't avail yourself to your partners health insurance. In the first 10 years I was with my partner, before his company offered domestic partner benefits, we spent an extra one hundred thousand dollars on health insurance. That's not a typo I really mean ten thousand a year times ten years.

That's just one example. Of course there are nearly 1400 federal rights that come with marriage.

What's happening when we decide to boycott this sacred institution is that we are saying marriage as it's currently defined is wrong, and therefore I won't be a part of it. As more and more people begin to think this way and start talking about marriage in terms of segregation and civil rights, hearts and minds will change.

When marriage as it's currently defined becomes unacceptable to US citizens, lawmakers will be forced to act.

The straight members of this organization are doing a great service to the GLBT community. They are literally enduring economic and societal hardship to support the cause of justice. I, for one, will always be grateful. And I promise, if a law is ever passed that gives a right to gays but excludes straights, I will remember this moment and I will boycott. And I will speak up loudly!

Thank you

Ken O'Neill

The Marrying Kind